Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
