If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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