Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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