He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
