i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
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