My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
