Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
