Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
