Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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