I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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