I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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