one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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