she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
being pregnant is like rehab
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
