i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
