Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
