is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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