I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
