Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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