when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
