We named our party play list daddy issues
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
