Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
