im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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