Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize