Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
