Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
