So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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