Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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