Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
