I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
