Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
