I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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