I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
