she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
