just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
