oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize