she was so not down for the gang bang
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
