hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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