Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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