goodnight i made you a song goodbye
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize