UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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