Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
