Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
