I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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