I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
did i just pee glitter
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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