1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
