It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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