Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
