Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
