If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize