How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
