i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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