you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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