I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize