The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
