I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
