do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We are all done wearing pants today
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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