is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The beer is more important than you right now.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
