You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
