no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
