Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
another moral hangover. fuck.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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