every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
