Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
They should really pass out barf bags in church
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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