If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
