at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize