I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
