it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
