I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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