I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
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