Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
