Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
